...

I was just reading several stories about Ottoman and Turkish Republic’s pioneer women whom have done unbelievable and hard work to prove themselves, have a place in the economy and be useful for their countries: Some became doctors, some became writers and publishers, some became teachers to give thousands of other women education and a job in the early 1900's. Many stories about these unique women: doctors, pilots, photographers, teachers, soldiers, publishers, dancers, writers who have dedicated their lives to their proficiencies, their people and their husbands –yes all of them had found the love of their lifes, some in the third or fourth try-!

All these women seem to have given a battle against many other people -the society, the government, their friends and even their families!- and also they have struggled against conditions of life -poverty, war, and ignorance!-.

There was a reason behind my choice of reading this evening: I needed to, somehow, find back the courage inside me which I seem to have lost over the past months.

This is a method I have started to use in the past year, when I become synical, pessimistic and lose the hope that I can ever be successful in anything again: I engage myself to read the lives of these extraordinary people -like scientists, painters, philosophers-. This evening it was the lives of extraordinary Turkish women –most of them born in the late 1800’s and died in the mid 1900’s-.

The success of these people, when combined with their life stories and the conditions they were challenging, always makes me respect them more. It reminds me that success is not something you can manage over a night. It takes years of hard working, learning, devotion of having new experiences without dread, a very big hearth, courage, belief and hope for future.

Tonight, as I was reading, I was ashamed of myself. Having a more secure environment, more freedom, better educational background, better financials, a more apprehensive society; let alone challenging the society, having a successful business; I was unable to open my heart to another person. Let alone being busy with doing something for my country and my people; I was unable to help myself.

With the memories of unsuccessful attempts in the past I was locking the doors of  my future both in business and in love! Hiding behind the sheets so that I will not be hurt, disappointed and failed again. Worst of all I was blaming “other people”, “conditions”, and “lack of common sense”.

As I have explored more of these women’s stories I have realized that, everyone of us sometimes lose their courage and will to live. These are the days of our lives where the darkness of our souls gets the control of our minds and hearts. These are the days that we have really been “unsuccessful” in life. These are the days we waste our precious time. I have been too busy of wasting my time struggling with fears, doubts, uncertainties, and self-pity for the past three months.

To be honest, this year, my life was just a mess; beginning from the first of January and until now. I do not know how many recovery articles I have written this year. I believe they are over five.

Now, should I believe that life sucks and not worthy to give another try; because it always has ups and downs that discourage us to live? Or should I believe that; even if life is a bitch with a very bad sense of humour, somehow we can survive and have the courage to live in the way we wanted to?